There are no mistakes, just learning experiences.

I've become somewhat fascinated with this twenty-something stage of life I'm currently navigating... or trying to navigate, at least. Conversations between my once inseparable friends are now separated by miles and office hours, but we stay in touch with text messages and brief phone calls that are usually riddled with the same cyclical topics: I never saw this coming. Did I make the right decision? I want more out of life. Am I on the right path? I miss college. Where do I go from here?

Within my best friend circle, though, there is a resounding emphasis on the Did I make the right decision? dilemma, and I must assume this is the case for plenty of people sitting at the same point in their lives. I know I'm not the only one who has felt a bit paralyzed by uncertainty or regret at one point or another, so I thought I'd share a tidbit I've found extremely helpful.

About a week ago, after becoming fed up with the way my mind was stuck analyzing the same decisions over and over, I started looking at things differently. Intentionally. And I can honestly say it's making me a much happier person. Call it waving the white flag, but I decided to give in to my anxiety about the near and distant past. Who says life is full of rights and wrongs? We're all finding our way through different pathways, and no road map or compass could ever hold all the answers we'd ask for. And let's be honest, there's no way to really know if it was right or wrong, anyway. 

So why not switch it up? Rather than fretting over those seemingly life-changing forks in the road, I've resolved with myself to make the best possible decision in the situation I'm given, then consider it not right nor wrong, but action and experience worth learning from. For someone like me, the action itself is what matters. Complacency, settling, and being stuck in one place without progress seem quite miserable, and actually doing something seems to be the only way to a better experience. 

Take a risk. Allow yourself to reflect. Learn from it.
If you successfully do that, you're inevitably going to end up right where you belong.

"Don't get so overwhelmed about your choices that you become paralyzed. Just take a step forward in any direction and try something out, even if you're scared or unsure of the outcome. That's what this age is all about; there are no mistakes, just learning experiences." --Nerissa G., University of California, Santa Barbara in Life After College: The Complete Guide to Getting What You Want

"The past is beautiful like the darkness between fireflies..." -Mason Jennings

I miss everything. And that's not an exaggeration.

I am (and will always be) vulnerable to nostalgia. For as long as I can recall, my friends and family have been teasing me about my ongoing "remember when...?" comments. When people ask my biggest fear, my first answer is always "forgetting" and when they ask what I'm afraid to forget, the answer is "everything." I panic when I can't remember something, and that's becoming a growing issue. I use Twitter as virtual sticky notes, quick quips about things worth noting. I even write to remember, which explains why creative nonfiction is my favorite genre and I'm always scribbling lists on scrap pieces of paper: lists of things to do, lists of favorite things, lists of feelings, lists of things to write about, lists of moments to remember. In fact, I've been making lists for years of things to include in the memoir I'd like to write when the chaos of life settles a bit. And it's about my own life.

It's not even that I only miss the good times. I've found that if I wait long enough, I miss the times I thought were rock bottom, too. And since realizing that, I've been able to propel myself through tough times by remembering that I'll look back at those memories with a smile, too... even if it takes a while.

I like to entertain myself by wondering what I'll miss about any given chapter of my life. For this one? The possibilities are endless. Come to think of it, that might be what marries my love for both the brink of new experience and sentimental nostalgia... The "hum of possibility" that surrounds a new experience might be the buzz about what I'll preserve as a memory later.



A few things I miss today (and that I should probably write about at some point):

Being an arm's length away from my best friends at almost all times
Kentucky sunshine on a crisp fall day while the leaves paint Chestnut Street orange
Still learning from an inspirational English teacher long after graduation
Pulling all-nighters to write papers about books I didn't have time to read
Homecoming memories with my favorite people in my favorite place
Riding around with my high school friends, knowing that everything would turn out all right
Caring about nothing but the moment riding bikes around Coldwater, Michigan
Watching the world wake up at 5 am from my favorite corner of the universe: Starbucks
Racing down Smallhouse Road to make it home in time for my high school curfew
Crying my eyes out in a teal room, circa 2007
Learning the ways of the world from my sisters' perspectives
A life-changing professor named Walker Rutledge and his mind-opening lectures

Lessons from a Starbucks drive-thru

When I worked at Starbucks, I dealt with notoriously joyful "regulars" and notoriously grumpy "regulars." For the former, the cup of coffee seemed like an added delight in their days, something they looked forward to. For the latter, the cup of coffee was sustenance, something they needed more than they wanted.

I would always contemplate their differences with another barista. How could one customer be so delightful while the next was such a burden to serve? Our theory: everyone has multiple forks in the road, chances to do something differently. Perhaps those inevitably grumpy people regret their decision and aren't satisfied with the life they're living.

I think about those contrasting customers more often than you'd believe. Now I'm just determined to be the joyful person in the drive-thru window. And I think it's less right-decision vs. wrong-decision and more learn-from-every-decision mixed with a little bit of delight-in-the-simple-things. Like cups of coffee.


But I could be completely wrong.