"The past is beautiful like the darkness between fireflies..." -Mason Jennings

I miss everything. And that's not an exaggeration.

I am (and will always be) vulnerable to nostalgia. For as long as I can recall, my friends and family have been teasing me about my ongoing "remember when...?" comments. When people ask my biggest fear, my first answer is always "forgetting" and when they ask what I'm afraid to forget, the answer is "everything." I panic when I can't remember something, and that's becoming a growing issue. I use Twitter as virtual sticky notes, quick quips about things worth noting. I even write to remember, which explains why creative nonfiction is my favorite genre and I'm always scribbling lists on scrap pieces of paper: lists of things to do, lists of favorite things, lists of feelings, lists of things to write about, lists of moments to remember. In fact, I've been making lists for years of things to include in the memoir I'd like to write when the chaos of life settles a bit. And it's about my own life.

It's not even that I only miss the good times. I've found that if I wait long enough, I miss the times I thought were rock bottom, too. And since realizing that, I've been able to propel myself through tough times by remembering that I'll look back at those memories with a smile, too... even if it takes a while.

I like to entertain myself by wondering what I'll miss about any given chapter of my life. For this one? The possibilities are endless. Come to think of it, that might be what marries my love for both the brink of new experience and sentimental nostalgia... The "hum of possibility" that surrounds a new experience might be the buzz about what I'll preserve as a memory later.



A few things I miss today (and that I should probably write about at some point):

Being an arm's length away from my best friends at almost all times
Kentucky sunshine on a crisp fall day while the leaves paint Chestnut Street orange
Still learning from an inspirational English teacher long after graduation
Pulling all-nighters to write papers about books I didn't have time to read
Homecoming memories with my favorite people in my favorite place
Riding around with my high school friends, knowing that everything would turn out all right
Caring about nothing but the moment riding bikes around Coldwater, Michigan
Watching the world wake up at 5 am from my favorite corner of the universe: Starbucks
Racing down Smallhouse Road to make it home in time for my high school curfew
Crying my eyes out in a teal room, circa 2007
Learning the ways of the world from my sisters' perspectives
A life-changing professor named Walker Rutledge and his mind-opening lectures